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But I couldn’t stand up by myself. You wouldn’t believe how much you depend on your arms when you change from standing to sitting to lying down. If someone, Dad or Nurse Molly, stood me up, I could stay there for a few seconds. But if I got the least bit off balance, I’d go from standing to lying down in a catastrophic manner. I felt confined all the time and I could tell Mom and Dad got tired of having to move me around and tend to my toilet.The bell Em got me helped me get attention without yelling myself hoarse if I was in a room by myself. Em had carefully written on my cast the circumstances under which I could ring the bell. She had sequences as well. One ring, two rings, non-stop ringing. Each event I rang for had its own sequence. In general, one ring with a second not less than five minutes apart, meant that I’d like someone to talk to or I needed to ask a question. Someone would get to me as soon as they could but if Mom had three things cooking on the stove and was trying. He only snuggled against me and softly sobbed. I went on, You know that if we did and anyone ever found out I could go to prison and we could never see each other again. Im sorry mom, he sobbed, I wont say anything more. No, you have scared him off, my inner self screamed at me. Im sorry too sweetie cause&hellip, I hesitated wondering if I should tell him but my inner self shouted, tell him! Because I want to have sex with you. I felt him stiffen in my arms. I told my inner self that I would never listen to her again and then my son drew away and looked me in the eyes and asked, Really mommy? Looking into Timmys blue eyes made me fearful that this was going out of control. At last I said, No one can ever know. I know mom, he said as he wiped tears from his eyes with the back of his hand. You cant even tell your best friend. No one&hellip,not anybody can ever know, I insisted. I wont tell anyone, I promise, he said as he snuggled once again into my arms. I thought about the many times.
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